At times, I feel like I'm attempting to race the wind.
I feel so silly to think that I even have a chance.
At times I feel like I can conquer the sun
Like if it were something anybody could claim.
Instead of getting used to these uncertainties that always seem to come my way
I still struggle and drown myself in idiotic hopes.
At times I still question the things I say and do,
wondering if I somehow messed it all up again.
Those nightmares are returning and are even worse than they were before
It's my fault for inviting them in with these pessimistic thoughts.
I know it's a dream and I scream for someone to wake me up and no one is there. It's painful.
At times I think I really am strong enough and special enough to win in this,
and then I remember that there is no battle, there is already a king.
At times I just fly away in wishful thinking
I wonder if my time has finally come, while smiling innocently
To only realize a few hours later what dreams are made of.
At times I just wish things made clear sense,
that I didn't have to fight my way around my hopes
that things were just the way they should be
that I felt completely at ease
that there was no concerns, no arguments
that life was simpler
that we were closer
that there was nobody else
that things were right.
At times I hate the feeling of deja vu.
Knowing that years can go by and I'm still fighting the same demons.
It's like I can't even fight anymore, because I see them mocking me.
I feel no strength at all... just like in my nightmares.
They find humor in me because I never learned and apparently I never will.
I never even got close to winning.
Where does the cycle end? Will I stop searching? Will i stop fighting and give in?
Will they feel some sort of guilt and go away, leave me alone? No... that's not the way this works.
I think it's up to me... to either give in and deal with what has hurt me the most and made me who I am: weak. Or walk away and understand that it's still not my time, or that perhaps my time will never come. I don't really know.
I feel numb. This is way too familiar and my ability to defend (or even protect) myself appears to be nonexistent. Oh well
Like if it were something anybody could claim.
Instead of getting used to these uncertainties that always seem to come my way
I still struggle and drown myself in idiotic hopes.
At times I still question the things I say and do,
wondering if I somehow messed it all up again.
Those nightmares are returning and are even worse than they were before
It's my fault for inviting them in with these pessimistic thoughts.
I know it's a dream and I scream for someone to wake me up and no one is there. It's painful.
At times I think I really am strong enough and special enough to win in this,
and then I remember that there is no battle, there is already a king.
At times I just fly away in wishful thinking
I wonder if my time has finally come, while smiling innocently
To only realize a few hours later what dreams are made of.
At times I just wish things made clear sense,
that I didn't have to fight my way around my hopes
that things were just the way they should be
that I felt completely at ease
that there was no concerns, no arguments
that life was simpler
that we were closer
that there was nobody else
that things were right.
At times I hate the feeling of deja vu.
Knowing that years can go by and I'm still fighting the same demons.
It's like I can't even fight anymore, because I see them mocking me.
I feel no strength at all... just like in my nightmares.
They find humor in me because I never learned and apparently I never will.
I never even got close to winning.
Where does the cycle end? Will I stop searching? Will i stop fighting and give in?
Will they feel some sort of guilt and go away, leave me alone? No... that's not the way this works.
I think it's up to me... to either give in and deal with what has hurt me the most and made me who I am: weak. Or walk away and understand that it's still not my time, or that perhaps my time will never come. I don't really know.
I feel numb. This is way too familiar and my ability to defend (or even protect) myself appears to be nonexistent. Oh well
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