The Light

A while back...


The light...
Inside of me... It's gone off.
I can't turn it back on.
I need to find a way to...
This isn't about love anymore.
It's more about life.
I can't find it in me anymore.
I don't know why I'm writing you.
Perhaps because you were the last one who saw it... Or at least you were there the last time I saw it.
Do you know what I'm talking about?
Do you have any idea?
Were you really there? At all? Ever?
Did I ever make sense?
Am I wrong to think you understood me?
Anyway... The light...
Not about love, or desire, or passion...
It's the light of life... Of hope.
It's gone.

And I miss you.
I still do.
I think of you.
And sometimes I think I love you...
Although I more often hate you.

I replay in my head the happy moments, then this doubt invades my mind...
I really start to question if it really happened.

And then I say the things my mom would say... Or my sisters would say...

You're a strong woman.
You're young and beautiful...
You'll find happiness some day.

As if that changed anything...

As if it turned my light back on.

But it doesn't.

There's no way to comfort something that sees no pain...
The lack of light makes it impossible to see anything.
No pain, no scars, no fear...
Not even your face.

Good bye baby.