Only Because

Sometimes I love you because you make me smile. Other days I hate you because you broke my heart. You’re long gone but I manage to run into you in my head;
hoping to make some sense of all this that’s left. I look down trying to understand. I look down and try to gather all the pieces, to hopefully in them find myself.
 I don’t know where it all started, nor do I know if there’s an end. I long for a moment alone, when all the noises in my head are gone. Seems like the days finally start to bring me joy,
but then again, when it gets dark I hear your voice. Where did those feelings go? Where did I hide mine when you walked along? What’s the point of loving if you have to go so low? Sometimes I care… sometimes I just don’t want to know. I search for you in places where I know you don’t belong. I guess I refuse to accept that maybe you are happy after all.  Now I see new places, new people, but I feel old tears; I feel old love. I walk to clear my head, I run to cry alone,
I jump to reach some hope, but I drown when I come home. I know this isn’t real… it’s just my way to cope. This somehow makes sense now, but I know I must let go. Life, Days, Dreams, Jokes…
Sometimes I love you because you make me smile. Sometimes I hate myself for still loving you. I only love you because you’re gone…
I only love you because I’m still alone