First off, the man I chose to marry is a good man. I understand people’s intentions when they say things like, “He must have been so stupid to let you go or done you wrong” and I appreciate it, but the reality of it is that he wasn’t stupid at all. I am not offended whatsoever when people say things like that, but the way I see things is that talking negatively about him is just like talking negatively about me. I chose to be with him, he was part of my life. I appreciate when people assume that it was his fault; I won’t deny or accept the assumption, but I will say this: I am not perfect and both of us made mistakes. There is always a reason behind our decisions, and even if he made the bigger mistake, I’m sure he has his. Am I trying to justify him? No. Does the fact that I don’t talk bad about him mean that I’m still in love with him? No. He is someone whom although I might no longer admire, I will always care for. He is someone whom I learned to understand and someone who I respect. I have never loved anybody like I loved him. Have I always felt this way about him or the divorce? No. Of course it took me a while to get over the fact that our marriage failed. It took me years to forgive, years to get over my addiction to him, years to let go of the bad and just keep the good. I shared amazing moments and experiences with this man; at the time, it was the right decision and if time went back I’d do it all over again. I’ve learned to look back and only look at the lessons learned and the good moments. I don’t look back questioning my luck, nor do I look back hoping for another chance or with “what if’s.” I am no longer in love with him, but I do love him as a person.
Some people associate age with my divorce when I tell them I got married when I was 19. I understand that at 19 I had not acquired too many lessons or life experiences, but still, I was a responsible adult when I made the decision to get married. I was financially capable of supporting myself and my family, I was a college student and I was completely aware of my priorities, embraced and respected the values and standards that were taught to me about the importance of family. I do not regret getting married whatsoever. The party life, traveling, getting to know more men and the freedom, were not things I was giving up. I didn’t consider them too important in comparison to the great, challenging opportunity of being a wife, a mother, and having a family. Some might be surprised to read this, but I still think the same way. Although I love my single life and the opportunity I’ve gotten to travel and meet so many people, becoming a mother, a wife, and just being able to start a family are still things that I value over anything else. Of course, I am more careful now with the people I chose to develop strong feelings for, but it doesn’t mean that I’m scared of commitment or that my values have changed.
To answer another frequent question about the decision to move to Utah, yes, my divorce and its aftermath had a lot to do with that decision. It wasn’t the only reason why I chose to move away from Indiana, but it was definitely part of it. Moving away wasn’t necessarily the solution, nor did I ever assume moving away would ease the pain or disappear a feeling, but it certainly did help understand and see things more clearly. The physical detachment also helped with the emotional healing.
My marriage and my divorce were great experiences. I think of it as something I can look back on and reflect on, and even learn from to this day. Like a book you read twice, you’ll always learn more and pick up things you might’ve missed on your first read. Life is great! I am so very thankful for the opportunity to learn from the consequences of my actions. I wish my ex-husband the best of luck in this life with his new family. From the bottom of my heart, I hope he learned from it too. I hope he’s able to move on and become a better person (Notice I saidbetter).
Thank all of you who have been a part of my life and my New Start in this new state. Thank all of you who have been there from the start.
Much love,
Susana
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