Burn

This fire rushes through my body; I can feel it kiss my skin from underneath. The tears are born in my eyes and I can’t help but let my heart scream as loud as the blood allows it to. I wonder what is out there and why I’ve stayed in for so long, under this cloud of pain and horror. My arms move slowly and try to touch the lost sky I once said goodbye to. My life is leaving me. I am being born again somehow. I see the terror in my eyes when I look in the mirror. I wonder where I will be going to after all of this ends. I try to lead my thoughts to my past to not think about the pain, but it’s too late. There’s nothing there to distract me from that fire. There is nothing I can say or think of that will stop the burn. I let go and clear my head. I see a light but I am more alive and alert then I’ve ever been before. I am in shock, and also in a state of constant pain and panic. I chose to live. I feel the pain and I feel alive. I feel the tears run down my cheeks again. I feel my heart slow down and I begin to feel calm. I can finally concentrate on the light I see in the sky. I can finally move my arms again. I am weak, but I am awake. I am in pain, but I am in love. I am tied down, but I am free.

Who We Are

What If we fall? We get back up and then we laugh at ourselves… We find the humor in every experience we live. We are strong. We are meant to endure and survive tough pains and suffering, both physical and emotional. We are intelligent enough to understand the need of equilibrium in life. We are survivors, we are role models, we are beautiful. We are smart enough to discover ways to love others without forgetting to love ourselves. We are mothers, we are care-givers and we provide love and support to our men and our children so that they can grow to their full potential and be happy with themselves in their endeavors. We know we are the only ones who can make ourselves happy. We hold the key to our destiny… our future. We create our fate. We can do whatever we set our minds to. We can achieve whatever goal we set ourselves to pursue. We go without sleep because we care. We know how to cure diseases which attack the bodies of those we love, and we also heal those souls of those we care for through our hugs and tears. We understand our divine nature. We are spiritually prepared to love so much, to tolerate and forgive. We are also strong enough to defend ourselves, our integrity and our dignity by not letting anyone use or abuse us. We are women of power, of love and compassion. We are capable of choosing the right and being successful in so many different aspects of life. We understand that sometimes we have to sacrifice things and time, but in the end we realize it was worth it by the joy and happiness of a fulfilled life. We know our potential and we strive to reach it and maximize it. We are loving, caring, independent and brave. We are women. We are beautiful women. We will sooner or later experience a moment of realization, when we’ll understand how precious we are. No one should ever stop us or have enough power to make us feel sad or upset. We have absolute control of our feelings and our reactions to actions of others. Let’s not give away that power to people who don’t have a clue about who we really are.  Let’s not let any situation have control of our emotions and feelings… let’s always remember who really has the key here… who really has the power. We do! Let’s be happy! Let’s smile! Let’s laugh at ourselves… and at others… why not? Let’s find the humor and enjoy our days! Let’s love and be happy with just the act of rendering that love… let's love ourselves… and let's continue to love other.
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Only Because

Sometimes I love you because you make me smile. Other days I hate you because you broke my heart. You’re long gone but I manage to run into you in my head;
hoping to make some sense of all this that’s left. I look down trying to understand. I look down and try to gather all the pieces, to hopefully in them find myself.
 I don’t know where it all started, nor do I know if there’s an end. I long for a moment alone, when all the noises in my head are gone. Seems like the days finally start to bring me joy,
but then again, when it gets dark I hear your voice. Where did those feelings go? Where did I hide mine when you walked along? What’s the point of loving if you have to go so low? Sometimes I care… sometimes I just don’t want to know. I search for you in places where I know you don’t belong. I guess I refuse to accept that maybe you are happy after all.  Now I see new places, new people, but I feel old tears; I feel old love. I walk to clear my head, I run to cry alone,
I jump to reach some hope, but I drown when I come home. I know this isn’t real… it’s just my way to cope. This somehow makes sense now, but I know I must let go. Life, Days, Dreams, Jokes…
Sometimes I love you because you make me smile. Sometimes I hate myself for still loving you. I only love you because you’re gone…
I only love you because I’m still alone

If You Don't Know What You Want

Sometimes not knowing what we want is absolutely fantastic! There are certain goals or dreams we shouldn’t be too specific about. When we live life to the fullest, when we walk through life peacefully and alert, aware of our surroundings, we may find amazing opportunities that will not only amaze us, but will also impact us, change us, and transform us. If we have a set idea of our goal, if anything less is just unacceptable or not enough, if we close our eyes or if we limit ourselves, then we might not ever find what could be out there waiting for us, or what can potentially make us happier. There’s nothing better than being open to life itself and everything it has to offer… being smart, being careful, but also being adventurous, spontaneous, eccentric and even a little crazy! I’m not talking about lowering our expectations… I’m talking about expanding them, or even eliminating them. Sometimes not knowing what we want is absolutely fantastic… yes… ‘cause great things may just come about, all of a sudden… unexpectedly… they find us… and it is just freakin’ GREAT!

Emotional vs. Assertive

"It’s a problem if we’re emotional, it’s a problem if we’re unemotional… we can’t win. As for me, I err on the side of unemotional. How about you ladies? Ever been called an ice queen before? How about you gents? Ever been with an ice queen? Was it good/bad? I’m just curious because it really feels like we can’t win!” (Katana- online posting).

Ayy! My night of research will turn into a blog in a few more hours... It's time to take care of ourselves and find the equilibrium. We are not ice queens, but we ARE smart enough to be logical/assertive/rational individuals with enough self-respect and love to overcome whatever it is that represents a threat to our "mental" health. (Yes, I intentionally avoided the word "emotional."). Argh! LOL  Read on… (Susana).

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I’ve been chatting with a couple friends tonight about a very interesting topic (well, at least interesting to us).  Are women capable of being logical/rational individuals?  Or are we doomed to be the stereotypical (Ok, I know this is more than just a stereotype, but you know what I mean!) emotional/illogical/irrational creatures we are?  This all triggered a desire to research the topic a little further.  No, not too deep because it’s late and I don’t really want to be up all night reading about the chemical/biochemical (?) differences within the brain or body between men and woman which are probably the cause of our emotional differences.  Although, if you are interested in learning more about it, I have a book to recommend: the problem is, I read it in Spanish and I have no idea what the name of it is in English, and I don’t even know in what language if was originally written.  Anyway, the book is called “Que Hago Si Mi Media Naranja es Toronja?”   Mmmm, ok… anyway, back to what I was saying;   So… can women be, or better yet, become unemotional/rational/logical beings? 

"Estrogen just doesn't come with little logic capsules."

There is no doubt that men are different from women.  Some say that we are different so we can complement each other, or that opposites attract, and that’s how it’s supposed to be… blah blah blah.  These days though -instead of healthy partnerships- the differences between us are creating more problems.  It’s harder to be in a healthy and stable relationship now than it was 50 years ago.   The increasing divorce rate is not the only problem we’re seeing these days; the difficulty of building a strong/constructive relationship, relationship fraud, and pseudo-relationships are also on the list.

When I say relationship fraud, I am not talking about your partner running away with your money or having given you a fake name.   The definition of fraud is “something intended to deceive; deliberate trickery intended to gain an advantage.”  Does this make more sense now?  Wouldn’t you agree that there are many of us out there who have been victims of this?  Why is this happening?   Relationships don’t always start fraudulent, but they will tend to become this way when the differences cause resentment, anger,  disrespect or one of the two to give up and stop trying to find the common ground in the communication. 

Pseudo-relationships or unofficial relationships are those in which one of the two… Ok, yes, typically the guy (unemotional/logical/rational individual) does not commit to the relationship fully but is still getting the “goods” from you.   The “goods” can mean sex, time, entertainment, money, support, company, all of the above, or a combination of any of the above. 

Females are typically the martyrs. We are condemned as the cause of our own pain and suffering because we are just too “emotional."  They say we exaggerate things, or that we think too much, expect too much, we’re too needy, too demanding, we blow things out of proportion, cry over stupid stuff, we are too naïve, too controlling, manipulative, etc, etc.  But we don’t do this on purpose.  We don’t enjoy being in this kind of relationships.  We don’t like the way the differences make us feel.  It is hard to control something we are not even aware needs to be controlled.

So, my thesis is that we females face these problems because we let our emotions guide us through our decision-making process.  Our emotions allow us to perpetuate these negative situations when they solidify our inability to break out of them. 

Yes!  Everyone must agree: There needs to be equilibrium.  Men don’t want women who are extremely unemotional that they lack the nurturing side in their personalities.  And certainly they don’t want them to be extremely emotional that they lack problem solving skills or assertiveness, or that it could make them be manipulative and too dependent (needy, clingy, psycho,  etc).

Bottom line, us women are responsible for finding the equilibrium ourselves; NOT just to find and keep a man, but most importantly, to be emotionally healthy (“emotionally” Is this a good term to use? Or should I say “mentally” again?) How do we accomplish this?  What is the point of this?  Well, WE are responsible to make ourselves happy.  We cannot delegate the responsibility to our “prince charming” (also referred to as “other half,” “soul mate,” or the more modern ones “our boo,” LOL).

The first step is becoming aware of the need.  The second step requires diligence, discipline and self-control (or control of our thoughts).  Before there is an emotion, there is a feeling.  Before there is a feeling, there is a thought.  Get it?

Thoughts generate feelings.  Feelings create emotions.  Yes, I’m purposely being redundant.

Thoughts > > >  Feelings  > > > Emotions.

Where do we start fixing the problem?  ?   ? Exactly: our THOUGHTS.

Think! Control your thoughts!  Be positive!  Be smart!  Be assertive!  Be confident in yourself!  Be Logical!  Be Unemotional!  Be rational!

“I can become whatever I need to become in order to feel better” – Susana

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“You don’t live by feelings.” – Darryl

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“I won’t settle.  I won’t adjust to the cruelty of others.  I will grow past it to never again be hurt.”

–Susana (being emotional?).

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“Happiness can't depend on such imperfect human emotion, it should depend on logic.” –Susana

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“But she is lonely as hell…” –Darryl

“But loneliness is just an emotion.” –Susana

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“The depressing, stressed state of mind thinking that I am not loved... that's all Hollywood.” –Susana

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“You have to co-exist… and let people in.” –Darryl

“Not in an emotional-dependency level.  Interaction? Yes, necessary, since we learn from others... but not to satisfy my emotional health” –Susana

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“Damn, you sound so bitter.  Like a woman who’s been hurt.” –Darryl

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I AM NOT SAYING YOU SHOULD THINK TOO MUCH.

Remember the movie Wedding Crashers? (I love that movie! Lol).  Anyway… remember this part?

((HAHA, kind of funny and weird that it’s a guy thinking/saying all these things, huh?))

I’m not saying we should think too much.  I’m just saying be should careful what we think about.  We need to be assertive and smart.  Relationships don’t have to be so complicated.  We have learned to see love and relationships like those Hollywood romances or those childhood fairy tales that are just illogical and unrealistic.  There are only a few basic building blocks to a healthy relationship: mutual respect, honest communication, chemistry (connection, attraction) and emotional EQUILIBRIUM.

When we exercise control of our thoughts we are going to find that we are less stressed and have a more stable state of mind.  By becoming more logical we will make smarter decisions.  We will understand that if we truly love ourselves then we must take care of ourselves.  There IS a need to save ourselves from destructing and draining relationships.  There really is a need for us to realize that we need not to be second guessing ourselves when it comes to relationships. 

Well, I know I rambled off… I hope you all share your opinion with me.  Tell me what you think or share your thoughts so we can all learn from each other.  Thanks for reading!

Here's another clip... Kinda funny... the two extremes! (Samantha vs. Charlotte) Oh, it's rated M for Mature (lol)!

What I Learned

WIL: What I Learned

Just random thoughs, things I heard, or things that came to my mind...

I have come to terms with life.
I am at peace now knowing and accepting that life isn't always fair.
I understand why it isn't.
"Without the lows, the highs wouldn't mean a thing."
I know that I am the only person capable of and responsible for making me happy.
I value life, my family and my friends like never before.
I know that not having people around me doesn't mean that I am alone.
I understand that sometimes we have to be secluded in order to appreciate others and in order to get to know ourselves.
I know that true love does exist.
I know true love isn't something to be found… it is something to be built.I have learned to appreciate Nature and all of God's creations.It's ok to be naive and optimistic if you find happiness in those dreams of yours. It's worse to be realistic if you leave no room for hope.
"When you're being real and vulnerable, intimacy comes naturally. You are confident enough to show all sides of yourself."

I'm a good investor... I don't put all my eggs in one basket! I know better.
"No matter how thin you make the pancake... it's always gonna have two sides."We are not victims of the actions of others; we are victims of our own decisions and reactions to them.
"De lo que nuestra boca emana abunda nuestro corazon." No podemos progresar concentrandonos en lo negativo.

Perhaps love is not meant to be understood... But just embraced. There might not be much mystery here... But Fate doesn't always dwell on the unknown.

Amo vivir... y amo poder ver el mundo y a otros a traves de mis propios ojos y experiencias... y no a traves de lo que escucho de los demas.
Gracias Madre por haberme enseñado a no ser conformista, a luchar por mi, a defender mi felicidad y a proteger mi dignidad. Mejor estar sola que mal acompañada.
Compromising dignity for fun and adventure is never as rewarding as the empowerment of self-control and self-respect.
"The sensitivity that makes you vulnerable also can give you the ability to know yourself well, to excel and do great things."

Knowledge is the best medicine... (Thoughts, perspective, control).
 I can play dumb to make u feel good about urself... I see that as an act of kindness.
You may understand laws and truths about your own little life but it doesn't mean you're smarter than those who are dealing with the realities of theirs.

There's no better motivation than the results of your personal success. Actions > Results > Motivation > More Actions > Results...