He had DANGER written all over his face. And not because he was a narcissistic "bad boy," but because I knew he was the type of man I would lose myself with. I didn't play hard to get; I flat out told him I wasn't interested and went about my business not fully aware of the magnitude of my attraction for him. I didn't think much of it, it wasn't like I had fallen for him (yet), but he definitely lingered in my mind for some time. It wasn't until eight months later when I found myself vulnerable and lonely that I decided to reach out to him. We finally hung out. Our conversation felt so natural and intense. I loved his sense of humor and that steamy sexy smile of his. And when he came over to take me out on a nice dinner date, we just looked at each other for what seemed to be an interminable moment, perhaps admiring the result of tedious work in front of a mirror, and I blurred out "let's just stay in." Pizza, beer and uncontrollable laughs followed. I had never felt so comfortable with a man I was this attracted to. I didn't have to fake anything, or try to impress him... He was so down to earth. It felt so simple, yet extraordinary. The two years that followed marked a very important chapter in my life. I was in love, and he was too. He turned out to be exactly the type of DANGER I was talking about earlier: my true weakness in the flesh. I lost myself. I lost control of my emotions; my sense of reality was so bent out of shape that I became the worst version of myself I could've imagined. I was irrational, compulsive, defensive... I was sad. To this day, I'm still unable to describe the complexity of what I was going through. I think it was a mix of insecurity and fear, with excitement and eagerness. We had something special. Our conversations never got boring, on the contrary, they got more and more intense... Until they turned into powerful conflicts of opinions. They turned into fights. And then after countless tears and broken objects, it was over... Over a political debate on my 27th birthday. Happy birthday to me. As intensly as it started, it had ended. Looking back though, I wouldn't trade the experience for anything in the world. What I saw, what I felt, and what I lived in the arms of this man was dangerously addictive but also magnificently memorable. It was hell and it was heaven. It was what I referenced earlier in a quote by Liz Gilbert: an encounter with my soul mate.
“People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that’s holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then they leave."
