Is It Worth It?

I don't know if it will be worth it to write down every single thing I remember from that night; probably not. I know it's not worth it to focus on the negative or spend any time dwelling or looking at the rear-view mirror. I feel strong somehow. I feel okay. I know that it wasn't the first and it probably won't be the last time I will be disappointed by people's actions. It's human nature to make mistakes and perhaps even to take advantage of others. I will think of this as an end. It's not the particular action, per se, but what it represents what can break you or build you. I choose to turn this negative into a positive: a breaking point... a before and after. It was just the tar that paved the way to a wonderful place where I will stand up smiling. I am still me, I haven't changed. I've learned. I know I made a mistake and I can be accountable for it. I know there is always a consequence to every action that we do. I know that once you jump off the building, there is nothing but free fall... no way out, no turning back, no way to hold on, or pause, or even look up. There is nothing but a solid surface waiting for us to hit... and a little bit of time, that's about it. But... in another aspect of my life, I'm at the top of the building right now. I have time to think and make a choice, well, I think I've made mine. Although I want to fly, I'm not going to jump. I like my freedom. This is nothing but a day... nothing but an experience. I chose to take the lesson and run away with just that. It is not worth capturing in writing a sad moment, a difficult moment, an embarrassing moment, a painful moment... to go back and read it and just suffer ? No. I will write down and capture this, what I've learned... and what kept me going. I still have time and strength... and many other things that can't ever be taken away from me.

Whatever happened...

Whatever happened to my passion for life? and the will to survive? The need of the adventure? The hopeful dreams? Where am I now? Am I back at the beginning? Should I pack up my stuff again and disappear? Should I pack the stuff I learned and then the memories? Perhaps the memories are meant to be left behind. What to do now? What's next? I know I've been distracted, perhaps I fell asleep, but I know I am still me. I know there is a spirit of greatness to be awaken... I know I have a lot to give, but not until I've found myself. Where am I going? I don't really know... I think I'm done being a little girl... I think I'm done being a woman. I think I'm done being nothing but a human looking for the life that now lacks meaning. I think it's time to awake the spirit within, the one who is eternal and doesn't seek anything but wisdom. The spirit who can impact the light in others... I feel as if I was meant to influence... to impact in a greater way. Should I go to the wilderness? Perhaps not in such sense... but, I need to get out again, I need to run... I need to fly. I need to stop pretending... I need to change again. I need to write, I need to decide. I need to be set free. Whatever happened to my story? When did it stop being written? When did I fall off the edge? Why are my words lost in time now? Why am I relevant now? This way of letting it all out, my heart out in a very distorted scripture makes me feel so liberated... makes me feel me again. Makes me feel alive once more. I laid under the sun today, and took a deep breath and felt the heat of the sun on my skin... when did I stop slowing down to feel this? to feel life? Why did it mean so much today for me to do that? Why have I stopped living? I don't want to die... I don't even want to stop existing like I did before... today I want to live!!! and today I want to leave. It doesn't matter who's beside me... what matters is what's inside of me. I feel strong right now, I've found the strength perhaps in a lost note of a forgotten song... I don't know... and I don't care. I don't want to cry anymore... I want to smile... and I want to leave again and I don't care.

Lost Forever

Lost in the ashes of what burnt before us
Perhaps a sign of hope acquired
A sign of what once lit our world
A piece of what evoked the fire

Lost in the waters of an endless sea
Illusions of our promised faith
Drowned in passions, stirred in fear
The death of all we thought was fate

Lost forever in a heart of rainbows
Waiting for a promise, for our angel
Lifeless love of fun and magic lies
Hearts of stone our souls were playful

Lost like in that infamous triangle
Dreams and visions of a glorious future
Shattered like glass, destroyed intentions
Eyes by tears sheen, our life a failure

Start Fresh

My biggest mistake was attempting to start over... when all I had to do was start fresh.

I Love and Hate You

Sometimes I hate you for not being The One.  But it's only because I love you... that I hate you. 

Love Me

Love me not for what sees the eye
but for what touches your soul
Love me not because you found yourself alone
but because you found yourself extremely happy
Love me continously
Love me unconditionally
Love me not for what I do for you
but love me so, that you long to do for me
Love me freely, naturally
Love me from a distance
or up close and personal
Love me as if you expected nothing
Love me knowing I'd do anything
Love me passionately
Knowing I won't ever leave you,
but taking me as if it could be the last time
Love me just the way I am
but also love me just the way I change
Love the transformation
Love the spirit in my eyes
Love how good you look in them
Love me every single day
Love me as I love you
Love me past this life
Past this moment
Past this smiley face
Love me fearing nothing
Love me facing everything.
Love me in all these phases
Love me in my tears or my sad faces
Love me on my knees
and with my head up high
Love me strong and independent
Love me weak and vulnerable
Live your days and fly your skies
Love me as you love your freedom
Know I'm not its enemy
Love me as you would a child
but make love to me like I'm who you desire
Love me here
and love me there, forever
Know I'm your reflection
Love me as you love yourself
Love me intensely...
I'll always be waiting
Love me not this way I ask
but love me the way of your heart
Doesn't matter...
Love me anyway
just because I truly love you

I Wanna...

I wanna be myself tonight
Your arms are not a place to hide
I wanna be the shadow of your tears
Fight like a soldier against all your fears

I wanna dance covered in sweat
Having you so close, gasping for air
I wanna wake you up to life
I wanna fill you up with pride

I wanna see you dripping down my hips
Wanna see you kissing every inch
I wanna cry so hard at last
Knowing you won't stay just in my past

I wanna know you're here to stay
Wanna hear you say she can't compare
I wanna feel you hug my waist
I'll hold you tight, can't turn away

I wanna be your secret
More than I want to discover it
I wanna be your weakness
And your eternal lover