Whatever happened...

Whatever happened to my passion for life? and the will to survive? The need of the adventure? The hopeful dreams? Where am I now? Am I back at the beginning? Should I pack up my stuff again and disappear? Should I pack the stuff I learned and then the memories? Perhaps the memories are meant to be left behind. What to do now? What's next? I know I've been distracted, perhaps I fell asleep, but I know I am still me. I know there is a spirit of greatness to be awaken... I know I have a lot to give, but not until I've found myself. Where am I going? I don't really know... I think I'm done being a little girl... I think I'm done being a woman. I think I'm done being nothing but a human looking for the life that now lacks meaning. I think it's time to awake the spirit within, the one who is eternal and doesn't seek anything but wisdom. The spirit who can impact the light in others... I feel as if I was meant to influence... to impact in a greater way. Should I go to the wilderness? Perhaps not in such sense... but, I need to get out again, I need to run... I need to fly. I need to stop pretending... I need to change again. I need to write, I need to decide. I need to be set free. Whatever happened to my story? When did it stop being written? When did I fall off the edge? Why are my words lost in time now? Why am I relevant now? This way of letting it all out, my heart out in a very distorted scripture makes me feel so liberated... makes me feel me again. Makes me feel alive once more. I laid under the sun today, and took a deep breath and felt the heat of the sun on my skin... when did I stop slowing down to feel this? to feel life? Why did it mean so much today for me to do that? Why have I stopped living? I don't want to die... I don't even want to stop existing like I did before... today I want to live!!! and today I want to leave. It doesn't matter who's beside me... what matters is what's inside of me. I feel strong right now, I've found the strength perhaps in a lost note of a forgotten song... I don't know... and I don't care. I don't want to cry anymore... I want to smile... and I want to leave again and I don't care.