Distrust

I shouldn’t blame a haunting past for this feeling of distrust,
I shouldn't hide the doubts or pain as if it they weren't there
I should instead be real, voice out my fears
Cry out loud and scream how so to giving up I'm near

I shouldn't put a smile on my face with angry thoughts beneath it
I shouldn't play pretend perfection when I feel it's not in me
Perhaps I should take a few days to myself
Clear my head, vent and give my mind some space.

I sit there waiting as if I weren't really stalling
Hoping that one day it would come to me more naturally
A failed attempt, no return as I'd expected
My mind at lightspeed speeds makes me surrender

Lost and broken, fallen and destroyed
There I lay waiting for some sort of closure
Tired of ignoring the agonizing voice within me
Closure won't deliver, I'm losing my composure