Trust

Trust is something that can be shattered in pieces so easily; something so hard –if not impossible- to win back.  I know how bad it feels when someone betrays your trust.  I, myself, have betrayed and lost someone else’s trust.  I wish there was a way to heal the wounds, or turn back time.  I wish I knew then what I know now, but more importantly, I wish I felt then, what I feel now.  There is no excuse or anything to justify a lie, perhaps there isn’t even a way to justify the fact that I never meant to lose that trust.  “I didn’t mean it,” just won’t cut it.  I didn't lie, I told the truth, but it was a harsh truth that maybe made me lose you.  My mind was elsewhere, far away from where yours was.  I saw things way different than you, that’s why I did what I did.  No, I’m not saying it was right, I’m not saying it wasn’t a mistake.  All I’m saying is, when I did the things I did to lose your trust, it never crossed my mind that it in fact mattered so much to you.   Different perception of things, I guess.  I didn’t even believe what you said you felt.  I was just impaired.  But no, it’s not always a lie that causes the loss of trust.  Many times, simple, not thought-through actions like mine are the ones that break what could’ve been a great friendship or connection.  But just like the action might have been interpreted different from person to person, so do the apologies.  They never go as far as we’d like them to go.  Words can’t change things; sometimes, not even actions can.  I guess all there is to do stand up, deal with it, manage, and maybe eventually learn to let go and move on... or hope that the long journey leads to a genuine reconciliation.  The wait just really sucks.