Eternal (a letter to my sister)

If only I could save you.  If only I could somehow absorb and take away all the pain you've suffered.  If only I could protect you like I always wanted to.  I guess life has its twists and turns; one never ends up where planned.  I just really wish I could at least share, or help you with your burden.  It is so unfair sometimes, to have to drag along the heaviness of someone else's mistakes.  I just don't understand how you endure, how you go through with it.  I don't get where you find your strength.  I don't understand how your heart can still hold so much love.  So much pain and love it seems it's what it's made of.  Wow, I love you so much.  I need you in my life and I need to be in yours.  I wish you'd open up.  I wish you knew how loved you are, how bad I want to help.  I wish I could make you believe this, but my words are so weak... like I never really learned how to talk to you.  I feel so sad, I feel so hurt for you... so mad... so ready to give up.  I want to stay here, to stop running... I want to give up, to just do what I was born to.  I feel everything I've done is nothing, and everything I tried I failed.  But all I have is my love... It still exists... hungrier than ever.  Wanting today to finally show it.  I don't even know how.  I don't even think I have your trust.  I think it was just a moment... a moment for you to let go of some of that pain.  But how real is it?  I mean, How open are your arms?  Do you trust me? Do you even want me around?  I don't know why I've let this crumble.  I should've listened and paid closer attention.  I Hope my words don't sound so weak... I hope you truly know deep down how much I care.  I hope you know I'd do anything for you... because I love you.  The kind of love you don't need to be protected from.  Eternal... please believe it
.