Bits and Pieces

I’m about to drop the towel, all these feelings are familiar and still destructive. I’m seeking a stronger connection; I wanna be his center of attention. What’s the point of saying I’m so great if right after it the word I hear is ‘but’? I’m done trying to work my way around true love, feeling like I’m never good enough. Don’t wanna sit here alone anymore, dealing and staying in the shadows? Waiting for things to happen like if I was guilty of a crime… furtively walking along his side. My love is great and strong, way better than this… perhaps I’m better off alone. All I have to give has broken wings; it’s bottled up, decaying. If it’s not this, it’s that… but never the same love I get back. Oh well… Must be the choices I’ve made, not thought through. Maybe this happens because I seem to waste my time searching for dwarfs. I haven’t been careful and there’s always a price to be paid. 

 

I’m tired of being understanding, calm, centered and in control of my emotions when in reality I am not. Apparently, yes, I'm in control… because I keep them inside. But inside is where they dwell; these emotions are nothing but a vortex of feelings, of pain, and confusion. I am exhausted and I am drained. 

I know where I want to go and I shouldn’t be trying to involve others when I know I can only take myself there. I’m done… being patient, understanding, passive, condescending, accepting… F*** that! It’s about time I shine, time to be true to myself and my inner desires. Time to stand up and fight for what is right for me… I am WAY BETTER than this. I am done cheating myself of what I deserve. Settling with portions, fragments, pieces… and promises of how tomorrow things will change. I am out.

Yes, 'cause I'm tired of always hearing the same lines... about how great I am... followed by the "but's" ... what the fuck is that supposed to mean?  Nooooo, there will be no more of that for me!!!!!!

I need to surround myself with those who are on the same page, on the same level, ready for something GREAT and AMAZING… because I know what's next for me and I have no time to waste.  The right time is now... for me... if it's not for you then just disappear.

~~~~~~~~~~

blah