Sentimientos Encontrados

Es extraño como el corazón puede albergar dos fuertes sentimientos, tan diferentes y hasta cierto modo opuestos.Por un lado hay un extremo deseo de amar profundamente a alguien especial, y ese deseo despierta emoción y felicidad al vivir sonriendo ante una esperanza eterna. Pero de igual manera hay un gran dolor y soledad al comprender que el previo sentimiento simplemente no puede ser volcado en cualquier ser.  Es una montaña rusa de emociones y sentimientos, donde todo va de objetivo y frívolo, a dramático e iluso. Es como si el mismo sentimiento de amor fuera un suicida, y la soledad una aventurera.  Es extraño y simple.  Luego estos sentimientos se encuentran y entre la desesperación y la tristeza, te encuentras ingenuamente profesando amor a alguien que ni siquiera conoces bien.  Ya no distingues el verdadero amor, del sincero deseo de amar.  No existe eso de estar detenidos en la vida; estamos, ya sea caminando hacia adelante, odirigiéndonoshacia atrás; pues el tiempo no se detiene, sino que nos arrastra conél.  Es preciso saber identificar y tomar ventaja de las buenas oportunidades, pero también debemos mantener los pies en la tierra y la objetividad al tomar decisiones importantes como a quién vamos a amar de verdad.  Creo que es preciso tomar un descanso de la búsqueda, respirar profundo y lentamente caminar hacia adelante, con la frente en alto y los ojos bien abiertos para poder asi reconocer que las cosas que realmente valen la pena, no caen del cielo.

Sola Pero Lista

Puedes sentir que el fin se acerca, el fin de una etapa de soledad y locura, de libertad y vacio, de entrega y desamor. Vuelven los dias quietos y fructiferos, tiernos y especiales… pero con un alto precio. Las personas que cruzaron tu camino para solo dejar heridas o hecharle sal a las que aun no sanaban… se marchan, desaparecen.  La tormenta se va y vuelves a sentir los tibios rayos del sol consolarte en un abrazo. Aun estas de pie, aun estas sola, pero las cosas han cambiado. De nuevo puedes ver el color de las flores y sentir la caricia del viento sin dudar ni un segundo que todo pasa por alguna razon.  Sabes reconocer cual es esa razon.   Sin duda sabes que has sido llevada como una hoja a merced de las rafagas, pero ahora te posas sobre el verde pasto y contemplas tu alrededor como nunca antes tuviste oportunidad de hacerlo. Las cosas vuelven a su lugar, de nuevo hay orden. De nuevo puedes pensar claro y afinar tus metas. No fue alguien la persona que te llevo hasta ahi, solamente el tiempo, tu consciencia, tus pasos y el destino. No hay nadie que importe tanto mas que tu… pero sabes que solo tu puedes salvarte de esa enfermedad que te carcomia el alma. Sabes que debes seguir sola por tu camino, pero dirigiendote hacia otro rumbo. Sabes que no puedes ser feliz sin encontrar esa paz interior que perdiste algun dia. Sabes que nadie debe ir de tu mano hacia el camino a casa, pues es un camino de dolor y amargura, pero sabes tambien que cuando regreses quiza puedas estrechar la mano de alguien para finalmente despedir ese ultimo escalon. Todo es tan incierto, pero tan sencillo. Ahora lo comprendes; te lavas las manos y de nuevo sientes el agua mojarte de esperanza. Sientes que aunque no tienes alas sanas, puedes empezar a ver el cielo, planear tu vuelo. Sabes que aun hay alguien, que siempre hubo alguien ahi. Vuelves a tener anhelos dignos y afrontas tu responsabilidad. Sufres como nunca y no hay salida, pero ya lo sabias, y lo admites, y te aferras y no te rindes. Sigues fuerte, debilmente fuerte. Sigues acompanada pero es preciso sentirte completamente sola para poder progresar y salir valerosa de ese fango de dolor. Eres vencedora y sabes lo que tienes que hacer. Nunca has necesitado ese alimento espiritual como ahora… llegas a comprender que no es por alguien mas que era preciso ser firme, sino por tu propia felicidad. Sabes que escogiste el camino dificil, pero que no todo esta perdido. Entiendes la eficacia de la bendicion mayor otorgada al hombre. No te rindes. Y sigues adelante.  Sola pero lista

To the Haters

Some people are just so pathetic.  I know there are a few people out there who like to talk shit about me just because I turned out to be different than what their first impression of me was.  First of all, you created the impression yourself; don’t hold me accountable for your disappointment.  I never pretended to be perfect, and if you’re somewhat “disappointed” then that’s your problem.  But, why talk shit like if I had been deceiving or dishonest with you?  I never claimed to be what you perhaps expected.  If you have such a closed mind and are a judgmental person, then I don’t need you in my life, period.  No matter how cute you think you are or how attracted I might feel towards you, it just killed it.  No, I’m not that innocent… I have changed and I RESERVE THE RIGHT TO KEEP CHANGING AS I PLEASE, so unless you’re emotionally and seriously involved with me, MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS AND LIVE YOUR OWN LIFE.  I don’t go around talking crap on people that have LIED TO ME, or DENIED things that later on they turned out to be accountable for.  I don’t really care.  But there is one thing I have to thank this kind of people… THANKS FOR LETTING ME SEE THE REAL YOU SO I CAN NOW KEEP AWAY FROM YOUR PATHETIC JUDGMENTAL ASS.

And another thing…

I am happy with myself because I know I am an honest person and I don’t intentionally do wrong to others.  I have a big heart and although I don’t always choose the right, I don’t hate myself for the mistakes I’ve made.   I’m a loving, caring, trusting and forgiving person… and I’ve learned that no matter how bad people treat me, my essence is never going to change.  I’m not writing this to explain myself, but perhaps to inspire you to be yourself and stop judging others around you.  Nobody is perfect, and we can’t please everyone around us.  The best thing to do is to be yourself, be happy with yourself and be smart and responsible in the decisions you make.   

Don’t think you know a person because you’ve had a few conversations with them or you see them every day.  To this day, I still learn new things about my parents, my siblings, and that’s the beauty of life!  We might know someone deeply, but never completely.

I love you all anyway

Bitter-Sweet

Bitter-Sweetness

Today I took my parents to our church's General Conference and on our way back home, my mom told me a story she heard a few weeks back during a Sunday school class.  The story was shared by Brother Melvin Voice, a good friend of the family.
"We had the Garcia family over for dinner one night, and after we finished our food, Brother Garcia gave each of us a piece of candy.  I set mine beside my empty plate while I continued a conversation with our guests.  After a while, when ready to eat the piece of candy I had been given, I looked down to find out it was gone. I also realized that my youngest daughter Angela had left the room as well.
I called her name and she didn’t respond. I waited a few minutes before calling again, hoping she would come back, but she didn’t. Once again I called her without any response, so I decided to go look for her. As I headed for the stairs, I found her sitting on the top step with tears running down her cheeks, and the big piece of candy on her mouth made her cheek look bigger than normal.  I knew she felt guilty about taking my piece of candy without asking, and that was the reason why she cried.
I asked her to come down the stairs as I opened my arms for her. She cried and didn’t move. I went up a couple steps and opened my arms inviting her to come to me; I said it was okay, and that I still loved her. She finally ran down the steps to hug me and the moment she put her arms around me she started crying more strongly and I could feel the power of her emotion. I held my daughter and assured her that I loved her and that she no longer had to cry or suffer for her action.   
This reminded me of the great love our Heavenly Father has for us. He understands us. Sometimes we are attracted to what might seem to be sweet and desirable, but it may sometimes turn out to be bitter and bring much suffering to our lives; like sin. He understands why we act the way we do, why we make mistakes, but it doesn’t change the fact that He loves us no matter what, and that as a loving Father He is, He will always spread His arms and invite us back into His grace.”
I loved the lesson this simple story brings us. It made me think about the decisions I’ve made lately, the things that make me happy and the things that make me sad. I am grateful for knowing that God indeed is our loving Heavenly Father and that He loves us for what we are, despite our imperfections. I understand that due to this great love, He has a plan of happiness for each and every one of us. I am blessed and extremely grateful to have been born to my two loving parents in this Earth. I am grateful that I’ve been reminded of amazing truths this weekend. I hope the impact, emotion and the testimony I’ve experienced this weekend persists for many days, many months… and that it might help me lead my life in a better direction from now on