Nothing

Like the moons reflection
Freely through the fields
You touch every last corner of my soul
Whether that's good or bad
I may just never know
Your light shines bright
While mine dims slow
In the stillness of our nothingness
I see myself decaying
If only I could save us
From all the pain that's pending

Trapped

I am drowning in an ocean of lust and anger
Your presence is intoxicatingly annoying now
You dance around me with a smirk knowing damn well that I am burning inside
I know this is your subconscious way of punishing me
Punishing me for perhaps you would consider me winning
But I'm dying, I have nothing to claim here
This is not my territory
Not my home
And even if I hang my artwork on your walls
These very walls are a new debilitating prison
I can still touch you
But you seem unmoved
I can still feel the blood inside me scratching my veins
I can feel my body hating me for torturing it like that
And there's nothing I can do

My Biggest Blessing

He says, they say
no pain no gain
God, would I know
That's how
My biggest blessing came

From the worlds worst -pain-
I wouldn't trade it for the world though
That moment when
They put you in my arms
You are My world now

As if I knew what to do
They just handed you over
Boy, I had no clue
What was I doing?

still in so much pain, until
I felt your tiny body
They put you on my chest
My precious baby -Dominic-

You stretched your arms
Opened your big bright eyes
And just like that
The pain I felt was over

You looked into my eyes
I swear I was in heaven
And suddenly I seem to figure it all out
This meant forever

From now on you're first
I swear to always have your back
Even if it means I must go
To hell and back

From the worlds worst -pain-
I would never back down
If you were the prize
I'd do it a million times over

My Grape Sized baby

I wake up every day thinking of you, and when I go to sleep, the last thought on my mind is you.  I touch my belly to feel you, and although it's too soon I know you're there.  I know it's crazy to believe that I can already love you so much, this is the type of love I've always longed for.  I know you will forever change my life, and knowing I"m here to make yours better will always make me feel alright. You are my purpose, my dream come true.  I feel so special to be able to experience this.  I no longer care about what seemed to be my problems before, you've turned my world upside down, in an amazing way.  You're all I care about and what I love most.  Your presence in y life is welcome in a way I can't express.  I promise to always consider your needs before my own, always think of you and how every decision I make could affect you.  I promise to love you forever, to protect you, to teach you to be an amazing human being, to be respectful, to choose the right, to love others deeply and show compassion, to be selfless but always love yourself and also put yourself first.  I will play with you, and read to you, and teach you things I know.  I promise to make your development my priority.  I promise to guard your health.  I promise to always be here for you, not as your best friend, but as your loving mom.  You are my world now, and no other human being could come in between this bond of ours.  I am your protector.  I will defend your life and your wellness above everything.  I love you my little grape sized baby.

Written on 1/31/16.

Nirvana

In your stillness lies your magnificence 

In your beauty the silence of all noise

In your colors the sparkle of the universe

In your mystery the deepest of my love

In your embrace I surrender my existence 

My ego dissipates into thin air

Your semblance captivates my deepest wishes

Only here could I have found myself 

The impact of your shapes ignites my passion

Although I doubt I'd ever understand

How and why could there be such perfection

In what it seems to be a broken place 

As the sun sets in your horizon 

A goodbye tear streams down my face

To grasp once more a portion of your glory

I'd give my all to experience this again

Your Arms

My favorite place to be? Your arms.  It's the only place in the world I can find myself feeling an array of contrasting emotions: From peace to happiness, security and excitement... An exhilarating feeling of wanting to stay awake forever in that very place.  It's the birthplace of this magical energy that always keeps me going.  Your arms, your embrace... It goes beyond the physicality of it.  It's a spiritual experience... An oasis in my world of chaos.  Your strength protects me, I feel your love and your desire.  I stop questioning everything, I let go and just... Feel.  I feel you.  I feel us.  Your arms are my haven.  Your arms are my escape.  Your arms are my shield against anything that could ever hurt me.  Because if I'm there, nothing will touch me.  Your arms have power.  It's in this bubble where I feel the happiest.  I feel your love and I accept my worth.  Your arms are my heaven.  Your arms are the very essence of what it means to be in love... It's surely worth the ephemeral episode of complete surrender.  I love your arms.  I call them home.  And you walk around unaware of what they mean to me... And that's okay.  I doubt you could ever understand how amazing it feels to feel so... Yours.  

Self reflection

I can be so hard on myself at times, often feeling like I'm never good enough, carrying the heavy burden of a deep rooted insecurity which is nothing but a ghost of a lie, a false perception of myself.  I know better now... I know who I am and more importantly, I love who I've become.  I am far from perfect, but I look at how far I've come and the things I've overcome and I feel like a badass.  I am a learner, I am a free spirit, I am a loving and forgiving person, I am a hard worker, I am creative and inquisitive... I have a sense of adventure that truly leads the direction of my life.  No, I don't have all the answers, and I may often have to walk alone, but I have an army of loving friends and family who have my back, always checking up on me.  I have courage and strength that I've become accustomed to but that inspires others, and I find peace in knowing that no matter what, I'll always be okay.  This last year, I've become a better leader, I've become a better cook, a better friend to myself, I've taken risks and I've gotten out of my comfort zone and I am thankful for that... For the opportunities to grow life had presented to me.  I am not done... I'm so excited about the future.