Positively Negative

I've heard and read several motivational speakers and life coaches say that in order to remain a positive person, one should stay away from negative people and tune them out.  This is something I don't agree with.

If a person is genuinly positive, it should mean that he or she will be receptive, open and kind towards others, no matter their perspective of life.  I think it's unrealistic and naive to tune out negativity completely when we live in such unperfect world. I stand by the fact that it is more than okay to listen, be receptive to others, and be open to their concerns and whatever it is they want to share with us.  When someone comes to you and tells you their problems, to judge them as negative and tune them out or simply stay away from them is actually very selfish and cold.  I'm not saying we need to encourage or reinforce their negative behavior, or entertain it... what I'm saying is, POSITIVITY should be more powerful than negativity.  It should mean that the power of your positivity is greater, and that your positivity will bring them up, instead of their negativity bringing you down.  We should let our light shine bright to help others, and not to go shine our light under a bed.  Being a positive person should mean that we're able to filter out the negative stuff and channel it properly.  A positive person should know about meditation and spend some time daily letting go of all the negativity in their mind, in a hollistic and therapeutic way.  It helps to see the negative stuff going on around us so that we can appreciate the good and everything we have in a more genuine way.  A positive person should respect and be receptive to every human being, perhaps even every living creature.  I believe in the power of meditation, and it exists so that we can clean our minds and our souls from the negative factors which pollute us.  I try to learn from everyone and everything I witness... I'd like to think of myself as a positive person, at least the majority of the time, but I also feel great knowing people trust me by coming to me to share their problems or concerns; it makes me feel appreciated and valued.  I see this as an opportunity to help and perhaps spread the love and my positive perspective.  How can someone ever say that we should stay away from that?

December 3rd 2013

It's already December!  Hard to believe that another year is almost over.  I know it's not the end of the month yet, but tonight I feel like writing and venting.  This has honestly been one of the hardest years of my life, but I can also say I've witnessed miracles and I've been extremely blessed.

I am ready for a new beginning... a new chapter in my life.  I know 2014 will be special... I can feel it.  It will mark a decade that I've been employed at Verizon, and honestly, working there has opened so many doors in the last 10 years.  I've been able to travel and see places I never thought I would... It's been a blessing to have a job and to not have been significantly affected by the economy, like many other people out there have.  I am very grateful for this.

January started off great.  I won Lunch of Champions at work and got to meet two NFL stars.  I'm not a big football fan, but it was still a great experience.  I met Dan Hamilton and Nick Roach.

January, I also went back to school.  I am pursuing a degree in Graphic Design.  This new adventure is more than that... it's a life long dream of mine that has become a goal.  I'm on the right track and I won't stop until I achieve it.

February was amazing as well.  I went to a Ricardo Arjona concert.  Ricardo Arjona is and has been my favorite artist for years!  I love his gift... he writes amazing songs that touch me... always have and always will.  The irony in his songs sparks creativity in me.  I am inspired.  It was February 14th the day my mom and I went to his concert.  It was so much fun and he put up an amazing performance.  This was on my bucket list!

Not sure exactly what date it was, but I also got to see Lindsey Stirling in concert!  She's an amazing violinist from Utah and now very famous.  I love her style, her funky little attitude and her amazing musical talent is just incredible.  I went to this concert with my parents, my sister Azucena and my nephew Alex.  We also got to spend some time together out in Chciago, and we went to eat at one of my favorite restaurants out there: El Barco.  It was a special day.

My relationship with Q ended in November of 2012, but we continued talking until the beginning part of 2013.  It finally ended for good.  It wasn't necesarily on a good note, but oh well.  Relationships are hard.  I learned so much being with him.  It was intense... and although we had so much fun together, it felt as if we also brought the worst in each other.  It wasn't healthy.  I loved this man, I have no doubt about it.  But I also understood that I wasn't ready to settle for a destructive path just to have some company.  Just as intensly as we loved each other, we learned to hate each other.  We fought a lot... it was time to let go.  Not the first heartbreak and probably not the last, but it hurt tremendously.  It was hard to lose someone who meant so much to me.  It hurt to have to give up and let it go.

I started dating someone shortly after the breakup.  Someone I met in school who happens to be studying the same thing I am.  The whole thing = big mistake.  I wasn't ready.  It was a messy situation that lasted a few months, but it didn't end well.  I don't even want to write the details about this one... but let's just say this... it was a waste of time, but it was also a learning experience.  He likes to use the excuse that he grew up without a father and that's why he is the way he is... but I don't think such evil can be excused with that one.  That's it about him... I don't want to give him any more words... not even worth it.

May.  I went to Texas to my cousin's wedding.  It was absolutely beautiful.  It was a sweet reminder of true love.  This wedding was very meaningful... it was a symbol that what's meant to be, will always find its way.  The beach, the breeze... love was in the air. I loved being able to see my family members that live in Texas and Mexico.  It had been so long.  I have an amazing family.

May... My mom had spinal surgery.  The days in the hospital were hell.  I hated seeing her like that... weak, in pain, dependent... so hard for her.  So hard for all of us.  The surgery went well, but the recovery was long and difficult.  My mom is truly a strong woman, in all the extension of the word.  She is amazing.  Her physical strength, her spiritual strength... truly an inspiration.  I'm more amazed at seeing the love my dad has for her.  He took care of her, he stayed with her, and everything he did for her he did with true kindness and love.  Not once did he complain or fuss about having to help her and stay with her so many hours at the hospital.  I am inspired by their love and their relationship.  They have been together 43 years, but these are the times where they've truly shown openly and sincerely how much they love one another.  I am blessed to have been born to such amazing people.

July 9th.  I found out I was pregnant!  Despite knowing the situation I was in wasn't ideal, I can't deny the fact that I was absolutely thrilled and excited at the opportunity of finally being a mom!  The immediate changes in my body were nothing compared to the change in my perspective in life.  It all happened so suddenly; I started reading, researching, planning... getting ready.  Well, it wasn't meant to be.  I miscarried at 10 weeks.  This was the second time for me.  It was hell.  I'm not even going to pretend that it was any easier since I had been through this before.  It wasn't.  I cried for a few days.  I wasn't alone... luckily, I was able to stay with my family during these difficult days.  They made it all better; I'm so blessed for their love and support.  I couldn't tell you where I'd be without them.  My coworkers were also very understanding and supportive.

I guess I learned the importance of having a strong and loyal support system.  It's these difficult times that make you realize how weak you can become, how fragile, and how scary it can be to go through adversity all on your own.

August, back in school again (for my second semester back).  You can't stay down for too long... You gotta get back up and face the world and continue to fight for your dreams.  I want to be an artist... I want to finish college and be able to do what I love.  School has been some sort of therapy.  It keeps me busy... it keeps me away from distractions that I normally would've fallen for... perhaps not the healthy kind.

I feel like I have my life together now... Like I know where I'm going.  Finally.  I feel like things are finally falling into place and I'm no longer waiting for something to fall from the sky into my lap.  I'm walking towards something meaningful to me... something very personal to me.  No longer the idea of finding love, but the dream of becoming the woman I'm meant to be.

I feel strong.  I finally won some internal battles of mine.  What made me weak at some point, is now a source of strength.  I feel victorious.  I have so much work to do and I'm nowhere near where I want to be, but it's a start... I feel confident and powerful.  I feel no longer a slave of my weakness.  I know I've conquered.

October, I was able to cross something off my bucket list: to tattoo someone!  My special friend and mentor encouraged me to do this! I didn't think it was going to happen as soon as it did, but it did.  I can tell you this... the adrenaline rush of knowing something I'm creating will permanently be on someone's skin was just exhilarating.  I was concerned and worried about hurting him, since I didn't really know what I was doing... but he seemed to be enjoying it just as much as I was.  It was an eye... of course.  I'm obsessed with eyes.  :)  This experience was absolutely fascinating and fun!

November, I turned 28.  I spent time with my family.  I got amazing gifts for my birthday... two that stand out because they were very thoughtful were the movie Frida (I'm obsessed with this artist) and a real (but dead) scorpion.  Amazing... I'm very grateful for those gifts and the other I received. Work became stressful due to the possibility of losing my job (performance related).  I was able to turn around and finish the month strong, but I know I'm not out of the woods yet.  Not gonna lie, this put things in perspective.  I don't want to lose my job, especially now that I'm in school and they're paying for my tuition.  But I know that if it happens, I will be ready for a change, I will be ready to start over and face whatever comes my way.  I am ready for whatever.  I know I am capable of finding another job, even if I take a pay cut, but finding a job where I can still focus on my education. 

I'm not giving up though.  December will be a challenge but I will work extra hard to perform the way I'm expected to.  I was whining and depressed at first, but now I know I have to be proactive and keep a positive attitude so that I can do what I have to do.  I've worked so hard for 10 years... I don't want to lose what I've vested myself in for all this time.  I am capable, I am knowledgeable and I am great at what I do.  I can do better.  I accept change as an important challenge... I know I can get out of my comfort zone into the learning zone... and eventually, the growth zone where the magic happens.

Interesting things this year... I watched Frida, became obsessed with her.  I learned Photoshop and Illustrator in school.  I became interested in Art History (my other class) especially with Michaelangelo's David and Raphael's Madonna in the Meadow.  The Return of the Prodigal Son by Rembrandt has special significance to me... which I will write about some other time.  It was an interesting semester in school.

I'm happy with who I am and what I've done.  This year was amazing and I will never forget the lessons learned.  I am excited to start 2014 with a positive attitude, ready to mark off more items off my bucket list, and ready to spend more time with my loved ones and ready to dive in and learn as much as I can.  Art is my passion... 2014 will be a year dedicated to that... my love for it.

I don't consider myself a natural born artist... I realize I need to practice and practice and then practice some more to be great at it, but I love it... and that's where my focus will be this new year.

I also want to focus on my health.  No other blessing can be enjoyed if we don't have health.  This is a priority.  I want to get in shape not only to look good physically, but to feel amazing and have the energy I need to do everything else I'm planning to do.

I hope all of you figure out your priorities for this new year and focus on whatever it is you love and are passionate about.

I love you all,

Susana