Restricting Our Hearts

Oh, we feel so good and great because we love our families. We feel so good and special because we love our close friends.  We are proud of the love we see ourselves embracing in our hearts. We claim to know true love because we’ve felt it for them. We believe it is good enough to love them… we grant ourselves a piece of heaven as the prize of the merit. We think we have God on our side. Is that really good enough? Loving those closest to us isn’t hard to do at all; why do we feel so special about it? Loving everyone we come across in our lives, and treating others with respect is where the challenge comes. We think because we help our community, or because we pay our tithing, donate to charity, sponsor a child, we’re good to go. We believe that the sacrifices we make for our children are good enough. We think they’re the only ones we should strive to leave a legacy for. We forget that our hearts can expand so much more, we forget that we’re not done.  We underestimate the power of love.We believe that because we’ve been hurt, we have the right to close our hearts or disrespect others by our defensiveness. There are people around us who intentionally or unintentionally damaged our souls, hurt our hearts; does that give us the right to stop loving? Does that give us the right to seek vengeance?  To become cold?Do we really own the right to choose who we love? We call that being smart… loving them all would make us naïve.  (God forbid!) How can we claim we love our children so much, when the example we set before them is one of pride, hate, and resentment. We tell them: “choose who you love wisely,” and we consider it good advice. Why do we feel so great about ourselves for the good we do to those we consider “important” in our lives? What about those people that we don’t even acknowledge? They might be ones we judge as being weak, vulnerable, ignorant, stupid, or passive. We consider them stupid because we take advantage of them and they stay quiet. Many times they’re just waiting for us to understand and learn for ourselves. It’s not submission, it’s humility.  It's not stupidity, it may be love. Many times those “weak,” or “stupid,” people we think we can control are one step ahead of us… probably feeling sorry for us for not being able to value the good we have in our lives. How many people do we deny a smile to? What about the people we use for our own convenience? Why do we take advantage of some and then turn around bitter at someone else for doing the exact same thing to us? Aren’t we hypocrites? Aren’t we all guilty after all? The real challenge is to love and RESPECT everyone who touches our lives from the smallest of ways to the greatest of them. We are to love ourselves, our families, our friends, our neighbors… even our enemies.  It isn’t stupidity… it is indeed great and admirable. Until then, we should refrain ourselves of speaking about honor and greatness.  Where's the merit in telling your friends you got their back, when you turn your back on others?We should strive to see ourselves as equals… with the same potential to grow, love and explore the things life has to offer. We are all God’s children. He doesn’t have favorites. Why do we consider ourselves so special and stronger than the rest? Better than the rest? The cornerstones of true self confidence will come from the capacity of expanding our heart, the genuine desire of helping others, and the respect we will give EVERYONE around us. Why do we not understand that everything we do wrong comes back to us one way or another?  Sometimes the ones we love most are the ones who will make us pay the price of our wrong doings upon others.

I feel the need to apologize… I feel the need to change. I feel spiritually sick and ready for a change. May 2009 bring us all a better sense and understanding of true love. I hope I am able to expand my heart and share my love to those outside my circle. I hope I can forgive those who’ve hurt me and love them still. I hope I can love those whom I’ll  maybe never talk to or see again. I hope I love those who’ve used me. I hope I love those whom I’ve used and taken advantage of too. And I truly hope I don't restrict my heart.

Carta a E.S.

Quisiera que un vaso de agua me saciara las ganas de llorar.  No entiendo por que la angustia persiste.  El tiempo es inclemente, pues no solo no te olvido… sino que ahora me dueles mas.  Me pergunto si me extranas o piensas en mi.  Quiza algun lugar, momento o cancion me abre la puerta de tu mente.  O quiza su presencia mitiga el recuerdo… lo calla o lo adormece.  Quiza ya me olvidaste, o quiza no hubo necesidad de ello por que nunca me amaste.  Yo que se.  Deje de entenderte en nuestra primera conversacion.  No se a donde me lleva el viento, el tiempo o el destino.  No se siquiera si hay tal cosa como un verdadero amor, solo se que aun me dueles y que sigo infectada de esa experiencia.  Aun me dan ataques de llanto.  Aun anoro tu abrazo al dormir, y aun extrano tus comentarios tontos y las sonrisas que traias a mi cara… aun entre nuestras batallas.  Mi amor, como te extrano.  No se ni donde estas, hace casi 1 ano que no te veo.  No se si has crecido, madurado, cambiado… que se yo.  Yo me enamore de un fantasma… no importa que tanto tiempo pase… se que nunca sera real.  Nunca sera el amor perfecto que tenia grabado en mi cabeza.  Pero te extrano… y es pore so que escribo esto esta noche.  Enero 17, 2009.  Wow.   No se a donde se fueron estos ultimos anos de existencia.  Siento que he vivido tanto y aprendido nada… o no de la manera tradicional que uno debe de aprender.  Creo que he cometido mas errores que tu, y aun asi no me consuela mas que el juzgarte.  Como te amo.